There is no way to hold on to anything from the past, neither a memory or human being. Human beings deceive and lie to each other in spite of their love. And I loved him dearly, but without any sentimentality. I knew I was relatively safe, so I can break off without being hurt. But he should always be a pleasant surprise, surprise that csn never can become a habit.
- will you be unfaithful to me?
- naturally
- you think it's natural?
- i am not unfaithful to you, when you are here. When somebody is not here, it's as though he were never coming back. It won't hit me right away - later on..."
- how soon?
- how do I know? don't leave me alone and you'll never have to ask such question. it's the simplest way, if smb's here, I don't need anybody else. If he's not here, I am alone. Who can stand being alone? I can't.
- you just exchange one for another?
- of course not. It's not one for another. It's being alone for not being alone. May be men can stand being alone. Women can't. The ones who say they can, are kidding you, or kidding themselves.
- So you can't stand being alone?
- Not very well. I am a clinging vine. When there is no one to cling to, I lie on the ground and rot.
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